Uncovered

This is for you. This is for the day dreamers and the night workers.

This is for the New Yorkers living by Times Square during New Years.

This is for the teenagers who couldn't focus during class.

This is for the people who thought life would be better with out you.

This is for you.

This is for the girls who go to the bathroom 5 times a day just to make sure every single strand of hair on their head is perfectly placed. 

You look gorgeous.

This is for the young and the damaged.

This is for the one a.m. texts every night with you.

This is for you.

This is for the instagram's, facebook's, tumblr's, & blogs that don't get noticed.

This is for you. The quite girl sitting at the lunch table by herself. 

This is for the people who sit in the commons during school.

This is for the teens who stay home on a Friday night because they know there will be drugs and alcohol at the party.

This is for you.

This is for the people that are scared of their parents.

This is for the underdogs.

This is for the ups and downs you have in every relationship.

This is for you.

This is for the kids who think they can't. 

This is for all the yesterdays and all the today's that are to come.

This is for US. May we forget our differences and just be who we are.

This is for us because we deserve to be heard.

This is for me, because I need it just as much as you do.

This is for me because I deserve to be happy.

This is for you, me, & us, because we deserve to be who we are.

i remember

I remember all the inside jokes we had.

I remember laughing so hard or stomachs were sore for days afterwards.

I remember the innocence i had as a kid.

I remember sitting by my bedroom door listening to your conversations, and yelling, then crying to myself because i was scared.

I remember thinking and hoping that 10(67+12) would be the hardest math ever got.

I remember the ups and downs that came with everything we did together.

I remember those countless texts you sent me me everyday, that turned into just memories of people that were once friends.

I remember the brightness you put in me that could light up an entire room.

I remember when the sunset looked like the most beautiful mushroom cloud.

I remember my first grade crush.

I remember the feelings you gave me when i would see you in the hall and you said hi. I remember the nickname you gave me even though people told you not to call me that.

I remember all the yesterdays like they are today.

I remember you telling me to do something only to do the opposite.

I remember the days where i wished i was 35 with my life all figured out, and the other days i wished i was 5 with my whole life still ahead of me.

I remember the deep conversations we had every night and not wanting them to disappear.

I still remember the times i wish we had together.

Thirteen reasons.

“You don’t know what goes on in anyone’s life but your own. And when you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re not messing with just that part. Unfortunately, you can’t be that precise and selective. When you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re messing with their entire life. Everything. . . affects everything.” 


“You can't stop the future
You can't rewind the past
The only way to learn the secret
...is to press play.” 


“Soul Alone by Hannah Baker

I meet your eyes
you don't even see me
You hardly respond
when I whisper
hello
Could be my soul mate
two kindred spirits
Maybe we're not
I guess we'll never
know

My own mother
you carried me in you
Now you see nothing
but what I wear
People ask you
how I'm doing
You smile and nod
don't let it end
there

Put me
underneath God's sky and 
know me
don't just see me with your eyes
Take away
this mask of flesh and bone and
See me
for my soul

alone” 

we are.

bdajsfljha ldsfhajks dfhj asdfj aljksd fahdfs kjlaskjdfhas idfjklas                 dfkjasndfkjasdhjf ashdf fffffff adf faf jasdklfjlakf  we are                      d fhWEja fdjha skdfadhkfj ahjks dfjk ajkdf jak       jka dfj asjdf                                    jkafsadf           gcfgcghvjhbjbjnbvhjvbn                          hvgvhbbv,hhhjhhjghjghgh  hhhhhhjhvh b nbguhhhhhhhhhhhhhhbjb the vvbm                           hjbhhn hvhjvhjvhbvhjbhbhbhbhjbhbhvvgvghcfxfcvhvkhbh fg fgh nmjkkjjjnnmn jkjkj kjhjhk jkj jkh hghghhghghghghghgghghg                                        hgggggvbh bjg hjkghkvmbvbvmvhmvmncxvznc broken ajksdfkjas                                                                                                                                                         dfkl;jaklsdjf a                                                                                                                                  jdsk fjksxd youth nm,mn hnbb                                            jbhjn n  dsnfjknasdfnaksdnfaknsdjfnavghvhvh                          hjvhjk        sdnfk . vkjvjh                                           ,b          j khjfdghhjbkjnkjvfgxfdzdhbhbhfghkjh klhfgffgfhjgjhbvgh d cg  vhjbjkbgh                                                                                                                                                                breathing                                                                                                                                                                                     through                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     our                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         corrupted                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                lungs                                                                                                                                                  ,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    trying                                                                                                                                                                                                             to                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             figure                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               out                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      why we                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     are                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             how we are                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       .                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

We're all just lost souls, aren't we?

We're all just lost souls, aren't we?

Walking around the halls acting like nothing ever happened the night before. 

That you cried yourself to sleep, didn't eat that entire day, did something you knew you would regret a year or so from now.

We're all just lost souls, aren't we?

2a.m. the only time we aren't afraid to express whats deep inside of us. Thinking that's about the only time people are there to listen. 

We're all just lost souls, aren't we?

As each day goes on we become one day closer to the day our heart stops beating. 

We're all just lost souls, aren't we?

My heart whispers to me, "live as YOU wish, not how OTHERS wish." But as I have realized being myself has only gotten me no where with being found. It has only gotten me lost like a geo cache with only so many people knowing where I am. 

We're all just lost souls, aren't we?

And then sadness hit me like a bullet in the back. I realized that my only friends at 3a.m. were the demons inside my head and the loneliness inside my bed.

In the end we are all lost souls trying to find a way back to something.

if you hadn't told me, i would've thought the stars were nocturnal.

We've stretched our fingertips toward the sky only to tap nails against navy as if it were merely a glass tabletop. and you told me I could reach the stars, but failed to mention I am not physically able to surpass the barrier between a reality that we know, and a reality that only knows itself. so I'll allow my eyes to teach me that the stars are nocturnal, and never discover they are actually insomniacs. and the stars will illuminate a blue and a green, and never know that we are crumbling grey buildings and crimson umbrellas. so guide my hazel eyes to reach for the stars, and they themselves will stay awake dreaming of a two-part color scheme.

Beautiful. Broken. Bandaged.

His name still stings the tip of my tongue.

You cant fix someone who is so beautiful, but so broken with just a bandage.

His name still stings the tip of my tongue.

All those late nights talking about his future, getting his mind off the here and now and focusing on what's to come. Putting out the positive side of things even though you knew he wouldn't look at them that way, but giving it a try anyways.

His name still stings the tip of my tongue.

Remembering all the great times you had together. The date nights, the adventures, the silent but comfortable car rides, the dances, the hugs and kisses, the days where we were so tired we just sat in his bed. The day where he told you he loved you.

His name still stings the tip of my tongue.

Meeting him for the first time and seeing a sliver of his skin noticing the scars all over, and being impressed for his strength so far. Wanting to help him realize the importance of him not hurting himself anymore, but showing him that those scars are scars of strength not weakness.

Now I don't know wether I should be happy or sad for him, cause all i'm feeling is the pain that he left behind.

His name still stings the tip of my tongue, and now he is the most beautiful angel there is.

They looked into the eyes of that photograph

and saw right through them to the backdrop 

of marbleized suede every kid had to.

"Why Mr. Dujkei, it's you!"

Next moment, he was gone.

 After that, silence, again.

Where am I?

That doesn't matter.

Wait!!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sunday, November 17- 

I am alone,

         but i never saw me... NOT like this. 

I smoked another cigar.

I get it from peers or from just thinking

about the possibility of a negative result.

I'm regaining consciousness,

only to figure out that everything has changed.

The key is this: Meet today's problems with today's strength. Don't start tackling tomorrow's problems until tomorrow. You do not have tomorrow's strength yet. You simply have enough for today.

fear of the unknown.

"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest & strongest fear is fear of the unknown."

We all have those fears we don't want anyone to know about.

lyrics

how to make me fall in love with you.

• Tell me what song you listen to by yourself at 2 am.
• Tell me what that one line from that song is that makes your heart drop into your stomach.
• Text/Call me when you are thinking about me.
• Tell me about that one time when you were six that makes you grin uncontrollably.
• Be silly with me.
• Let me watch you in a room with nothing but white walls and an acoustic guitar.
• Tell me what you see right before you fall asleep.
• Hold my hand in front of your friends.
• Laugh with me.
• Know everything i like and dislike.
• Be respectful.
• Dance with me.
• Tell me what is your biggest fear, and not just 'spiders', i mean like falling off a cliff and dying.
• Tell me your biggest wish.
• Tell me what is on your mind.
• Tell me what it would be like to spend a day as you.
• Hug me when i say 'im okay' and you know im not.
• Tell me you cant live with out me.

There, I Still Will Be.

I gave you the sun 

But you wanted the moon.

When I gave you the moon, 

You wanted the stars.

So I reached blindly, 

for the most infinite stars, 

And wrapped myself 

Around each one of them, 

Just for you.

The stars, 

the moon and the sun combined, 

Weren't enough for your fickle heart.

So I took my tears, 

And made you a sea, 

So you can sail the earth 

And find the impossible treasure, 

You constantly seek.

Yet every morning, 

my sun will be there to wake you.

Every night, 

My moon will be there to calm you.

And if you ever need me, 

Look amongst the stars, 

Wrapped in each one of them, 

There, I still will be. 

-Mirtha Michelle

different galaxies

some nights you will feel

like there are a thousand galaxies

exploding in every inch of you

and you are burning too bright

to ever be looked at directly,

and some nights you will feel 

impossibly small, like your 

whole body could slip through 

the spaces between atoms and

never reappear in this world again,

and some nights you will feel

like a paper doll, carefully crafted

and easily blown away, fragile,

too delicate to ever be touched,

and some nights you will feel

like each cell in your body is 

made of the strength that holds

the whole planet together,

and that is okay, because you are 

made of stardust and minuscule

atoms and breakable bones

and the building blocks of 

everything in the universe,

and you are too alive to never

feel anything more than human.

cliffhanger

That quiet, shy guy.

The guy that sits in the back of the class thinking,

"How much longer 'til i can leave?

When will someone notice me?

How long will it take them to see?"

He felt as if he was a piece of paper,

just waiting to be cut,

to be torn and crumpled,

to be thrown away.

He seems so happy,

but it's all a lie.

He sits at the edge of a cliff,

waiting, thinking, hoping that they will notice.

'How long will it take them

to notice that i'm dying inside?'

He sits there at the edge of the cliff,

waiting for someone to push him over the edge.

Then when no one notices,

he whispers to himself,

I cant do this anymore....

Walls // Bricks // Roads //

My walls have been put up.

No more feeling like they don't like me.

No more sharp pain in my wrists and stomach.

When my walls are up i feel as if i was a 

perfectly born person,

yet no one is perfect.

The more i build up my walls

brick by brick,

the more i want to see 

who the person is that can break them down.

There's a fork in the road in front of me.

At the crossroads of identity.

I start to run,

but my feet dont move.

The devil is standing to my left.

He says 'Either way they lead to death.'

Trying, prying my feet off the ground

step-by-step.

Tripping I try to catch myself, 

but i fall,

breaking like a fragile glass being thrown 

against the hardest of bricks.

Realizing I cannot be put back together again.

At least not in the same way.

just a disappearing memory.

I am so tired of people telling me that i'm not good enough. Since when did you you think you are perfect & everyone else has to be just like you to be good enough? 

Im tired of people telling me to speak up. Trust me if i wanted to talk to you, I would. & maybe you wouldn't be very happy with what I say, but that's just how it works. 

My decision is to be real not fake. Nice not rude. Happy but not too happy its obnoxious. 

My decision is to be who I am. Im not going to be someone i'm not for others enjoyment. If that's not good enough for you then i'm sorry, but you don't deserve to be in my life.

Yes I make mistakes. Yes I am not perfect but if you cant handle me at my worst then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

I am done being there for someone who just uses me so they don't have to go to football games, or parties alone, and then doesn't talk to me at all once we get there. I am done being your hitting bag when something bad happens to you, or when you have problems with the person you like. I'm done having you tell me what to do. I'm done being treated like shit. I am not here for you to throw me around and step on once you are done with me. Im just done. 

Maybe you don't care enough about our friendship but to me it was the world. Now it is just a memory, one that i wish i could forget parts of. One that i wish you could see is disappearing right before your eyes and for you to notice it will never be able to go back to the way it was before.

Maybe i'm not good enough for you but honestly i don't care what you think anymore.

undefinable love

love:

noun

1. an intense feeling of deep affection:
   "babies fill parents with intense feelings of love"
   synonyms: relationship · love affair · romance · liaison · affair of the heart · 

verb

1. feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone):
   "do you love me?"
   synonyms: care very much for · feel deep affection for · hold very dear ·

What is it? 

Is love something you can wake up to at 3am and turn to kiss them & say 'i love you.'?

Is love when you get home from a bad day & there's a present for you or when you can just relax?

Is love when your dog still comes back to lick your face after you've ignored him all day?

Is love your favorite season?

Is love listening to your favorite song on repeat?

Love is different to everyone.

No one will ever fall in "love" or have a "fairytale ending" the same way.

No one will fall in love the way Hazel Grace & Augustus Waters fell in love, or Landon Carter & Jamie Sullivan, or Noah & Allie.

But in each one of these movies they all have something in common. They loved each other so much that they put the others happiness above their own no matter how painful the choices they had to make were.

Love is so much more than the hugs, kisses, hand holding, sex, etc, that is all I know.

Love is so much more than the "i love you's", the "i wanna be with you the rest of my life's".

Love is too complicated to give a definition to, but yet we say what we think it is.


Love is putting someone else's needs/happiness above your own.

Love is having deep affection for another.

"Love is patient and kind, it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited,

 it is never rude or selfish, it does not take offence, nor is it resentful.

 Love takes no pleasure in others’ sins but delights in the truth;

 it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes."

So many thoughts yet....

LOVE CANNOT BE DEFINED OR EXPLAINED.