cliffhanger

That quiet, shy guy.

The guy that sits in the back of the class thinking,

"How much longer 'til i can leave?

When will someone notice me?

How long will it take them to see?"

He felt as if he was a piece of paper,

just waiting to be cut,

to be torn and crumpled,

to be thrown away.

He seems so happy,

but it's all a lie.

He sits at the edge of a cliff,

waiting, thinking, hoping that they will notice.

'How long will it take them

to notice that i'm dying inside?'

He sits there at the edge of the cliff,

waiting for someone to push him over the edge.

Then when no one notices,

he whispers to himself,

I cant do this anymore....

Walls // Bricks // Roads //

My walls have been put up.

No more feeling like they don't like me.

No more sharp pain in my wrists and stomach.

When my walls are up i feel as if i was a 

perfectly born person,

yet no one is perfect.

The more i build up my walls

brick by brick,

the more i want to see 

who the person is that can break them down.

There's a fork in the road in front of me.

At the crossroads of identity.

I start to run,

but my feet dont move.

The devil is standing to my left.

He says 'Either way they lead to death.'

Trying, prying my feet off the ground

step-by-step.

Tripping I try to catch myself, 

but i fall,

breaking like a fragile glass being thrown 

against the hardest of bricks.

Realizing I cannot be put back together again.

At least not in the same way.

just a disappearing memory.

I am so tired of people telling me that i'm not good enough. Since when did you you think you are perfect & everyone else has to be just like you to be good enough? 

Im tired of people telling me to speak up. Trust me if i wanted to talk to you, I would. & maybe you wouldn't be very happy with what I say, but that's just how it works. 

My decision is to be real not fake. Nice not rude. Happy but not too happy its obnoxious. 

My decision is to be who I am. Im not going to be someone i'm not for others enjoyment. If that's not good enough for you then i'm sorry, but you don't deserve to be in my life.

Yes I make mistakes. Yes I am not perfect but if you cant handle me at my worst then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

I am done being there for someone who just uses me so they don't have to go to football games, or parties alone, and then doesn't talk to me at all once we get there. I am done being your hitting bag when something bad happens to you, or when you have problems with the person you like. I'm done having you tell me what to do. I'm done being treated like shit. I am not here for you to throw me around and step on once you are done with me. Im just done. 

Maybe you don't care enough about our friendship but to me it was the world. Now it is just a memory, one that i wish i could forget parts of. One that i wish you could see is disappearing right before your eyes and for you to notice it will never be able to go back to the way it was before.

Maybe i'm not good enough for you but honestly i don't care what you think anymore.

undefinable love

love:

noun

1. an intense feeling of deep affection:
   "babies fill parents with intense feelings of love"
   synonyms: relationship · love affair · romance · liaison · affair of the heart · 

verb

1. feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone):
   "do you love me?"
   synonyms: care very much for · feel deep affection for · hold very dear ·

What is it? 

Is love something you can wake up to at 3am and turn to kiss them & say 'i love you.'?

Is love when you get home from a bad day & there's a present for you or when you can just relax?

Is love when your dog still comes back to lick your face after you've ignored him all day?

Is love your favorite season?

Is love listening to your favorite song on repeat?

Love is different to everyone.

No one will ever fall in "love" or have a "fairytale ending" the same way.

No one will fall in love the way Hazel Grace & Augustus Waters fell in love, or Landon Carter & Jamie Sullivan, or Noah & Allie.

But in each one of these movies they all have something in common. They loved each other so much that they put the others happiness above their own no matter how painful the choices they had to make were.

Love is so much more than the hugs, kisses, hand holding, sex, etc, that is all I know.

Love is so much more than the "i love you's", the "i wanna be with you the rest of my life's".

Love is too complicated to give a definition to, but yet we say what we think it is.


Love is putting someone else's needs/happiness above your own.

Love is having deep affection for another.

"Love is patient and kind, it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited,

 it is never rude or selfish, it does not take offence, nor is it resentful.

 Love takes no pleasure in others’ sins but delights in the truth;

 it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes."

So many thoughts yet....

LOVE CANNOT BE DEFINED OR EXPLAINED.

Promise.

And meet me there, with bundles of flowers,

We'll wade through the hours of cold

Winter she'll howl at the walls,

Tearing down doors of time.

Shelter as we go...

And promise me this:

Youll wait for me only,

Scared of the lonely arms

That surface, far below these birds

And maybe, just maybe Ill come home

Who am I, darling to you?

Who am I,

To tell you stories of mine

Who am I?

Who am I, darling for you?

Who am I

To be your burden in time, lonely

Who am I, to you?

Who am I, darling for you?

Who am I

To be your burden

Who am I, darling to you?

Who am I?

I come alone here

I come alone here

We Are All Human.

WE are ALL human.


"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry." - Ernest Hemingway

I think you can be both. It can break you but you can become strong with the wrong piece that breaks & it kills whatever you have hope in or what you like to do, and tries to get you in the direction it wants you to go instead of the direction you need to be going.

WE are ALL human.

WE ALL make mistakes.

WE will ALL survive. 

back to the future

Can we go back to being a little kid again and not care what is happening around us or what people thought of us? Just be ourselves.